don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
