The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Randomize
