Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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