I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
