My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
