Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize