I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
