fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This is the high leading the old right now
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
