my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
