if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
