You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
