my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
