My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
