why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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