I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
