That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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