Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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