Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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