So gin and wine won't be happening again
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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