just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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