Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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