Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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