I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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