I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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