i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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