If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
