Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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