I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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