Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
