We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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