I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
