Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
