So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
