Grow some girl-balls and come out already
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
