so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
