I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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