I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
