he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
