capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
