The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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