Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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