My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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