She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize