would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize
