She said her name was "party"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
