That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize