u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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