Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
