return my video game
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
