I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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