I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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