I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
