i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
