I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
