My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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