I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
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