I accidentally had phone sex last night
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
