if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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