woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
