so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
