Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize