im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
