When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Bring me that man meat
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
